I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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