hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
