): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
