A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
