Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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