STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
