dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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