I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
