can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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