and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
