halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
