The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He passed out mid-signature
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
