if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
