i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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