How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
