And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
