Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
