before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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