there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
