i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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