next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to make out with him forever
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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