Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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