Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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