Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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