youre lurking in front of me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
why is half of my head shaved?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
