I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize