Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
