Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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