The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize