I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
