You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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