Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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