I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize