New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
