I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
