so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize