wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
