so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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