he wants to bone in the snuggie
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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