Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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