hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
