im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
