just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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