i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
