If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
