feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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