Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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