so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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