it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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