When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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