I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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