he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
