is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
