In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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