I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
