Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
