the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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