Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
