those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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