i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
