You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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