Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
