She said her name was "party"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
