The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
