I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would ride that face into the sunset
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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