We're facebook friends in real life
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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