I heard we made out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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