am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
