He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize