I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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