I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
