I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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