Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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