I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
