I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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