I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
