when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
