I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's like iHOP with fire
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
