Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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