She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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