idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
