If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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