Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
