oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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