i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
