By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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