Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize