He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
