dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found puke in my bra..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
