Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
