Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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