We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
