Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
