he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
