I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize