Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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