i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
