I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
