You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
