There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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