Do you still have your period?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
